Recently on Facebook, there has been a posting circulating regarding family, what it really is. And this goes along with something that I have been dealing with for many weeks now, so was kinda strange that it appeared.
What is family? The dictionary describes family as a group of individuals living under one roof, a group of persons of common ancestry. We all have people we are related to that we would rather not claim, but they are still family. But I have always thought that being a part of a family went much deeper than blood lines or hair color. It was a feeling that you had.
Thus leads to the next question, what is a friend? The dictionary describes a friend as one that is attached to another by affection or esteem. So friendship is the state of being friends. Simple meanings. Or are they?
What really describes a friendship? This is where it seems to get harder. Is a friendship built quickly or over the long haul? Can a friendship that is built on solid ground fall apart over one or two disagreements? Six months ago, my answer would have been no, but as I have come to find out, you can lose a friendship over something totally stupid and not directed at the friend themself. And this is a sad thing.
When you are in high school, friendships were often very fleeting, ending at the drop of a hat. Maybe because you were not part of the in crowd, or because you liked the person someone else liked. Or because someone said that you said that someone said.....you get the idea. That is not truly a friendship.
I always thought that a true friendship was one where you cared about the other person. Where you helped them out because it was the thing to do, not because you expected anything in return, except for their friendship. Where you were there for each other, thru the good times and the bad. And when you hadn't seen each other for months, could pick up the phone and continue a conversation like it had been yesterday that you last spoke. When you would give up everything you owned to help that person out, and would literally trade places with them if you could if something was really wrong with them. That you hurt when they hurt, and you celebrated when they did. That you had a wonderful thing happen in your life, and they were the person you wanted to tell. And you couldn't imagine your life without them.
I had a friend like that, for more years than I would like to admit. Divorce and marriage, births and deaths, new houses and moving, new adventures and old talks. Who's kids you rocked, and who your kids wanted to be around. Someone I felt was more like a sister than a friend. And someone I couldn't imagine growing old without. But now, that person is gone. And it isn't by death or moving. It was by a disagreement. So I guess I am wondering when you end a friendship. Over one fight? Would you stop loving your kids because you got into a fight with them? No, or we would never speak to our parents, let alone our kids ever again. You wouldn't end you marriage over one disagreement, or get rid of your dog because they chewed up one shoe. So why a friendship? Was it not as solid as I thought? I just don't know. But I do know that there is a huge hole in my heart for what used to be, and for what is now gone. And I am very sad.
Now, don't ya wish I had never started this blog? It just seems easier to write this than to talk to anyone about it. And I guess this is a way to try to start the healing. Or at least a way to release some of the pain. Either way, I can not see every having a friendship this close again, it just hurts too much to lose.
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