Recently on Facebook, there has been a posting circulating regarding family, what it really is. And this goes along with something that I have been dealing with for many weeks now, so was kinda strange that it appeared.
What is family? The dictionary describes family as a group of individuals living under one roof, a group of persons of common ancestry. We all have people we are related to that we would rather not claim, but they are still family. But I have always thought that being a part of a family went much deeper than blood lines or hair color. It was a feeling that you had.
Thus leads to the next question, what is a friend? The dictionary describes a friend as one that is attached to another by affection or esteem. So friendship is the state of being friends. Simple meanings. Or are they?
What really describes a friendship? This is where it seems to get harder. Is a friendship built quickly or over the long haul? Can a friendship that is built on solid ground fall apart over one or two disagreements? Six months ago, my answer would have been no, but as I have come to find out, you can lose a friendship over something totally stupid and not directed at the friend themself. And this is a sad thing.
When you are in high school, friendships were often very fleeting, ending at the drop of a hat. Maybe because you were not part of the in crowd, or because you liked the person someone else liked. Or because someone said that you said that someone said.....you get the idea. That is not truly a friendship.
I always thought that a true friendship was one where you cared about the other person. Where you helped them out because it was the thing to do, not because you expected anything in return, except for their friendship. Where you were there for each other, thru the good times and the bad. And when you hadn't seen each other for months, could pick up the phone and continue a conversation like it had been yesterday that you last spoke. When you would give up everything you owned to help that person out, and would literally trade places with them if you could if something was really wrong with them. That you hurt when they hurt, and you celebrated when they did. That you had a wonderful thing happen in your life, and they were the person you wanted to tell. And you couldn't imagine your life without them.
I had a friend like that, for more years than I would like to admit. Divorce and marriage, births and deaths, new houses and moving, new adventures and old talks. Who's kids you rocked, and who your kids wanted to be around. Someone I felt was more like a sister than a friend. And someone I couldn't imagine growing old without. But now, that person is gone. And it isn't by death or moving. It was by a disagreement. So I guess I am wondering when you end a friendship. Over one fight? Would you stop loving your kids because you got into a fight with them? No, or we would never speak to our parents, let alone our kids ever again. You wouldn't end you marriage over one disagreement, or get rid of your dog because they chewed up one shoe. So why a friendship? Was it not as solid as I thought? I just don't know. But I do know that there is a huge hole in my heart for what used to be, and for what is now gone. And I am very sad.
Now, don't ya wish I had never started this blog? It just seems easier to write this than to talk to anyone about it. And I guess this is a way to try to start the healing. Or at least a way to release some of the pain. Either way, I can not see every having a friendship this close again, it just hurts too much to lose.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Simple Life
The last few days have been, to say the least, eye opening. The weather has been very strange with temperatures up and down. The other day, I decided that I needed to either get the mowing done, or wait a little longer and have someone bale my yard. So I headed out, and after changing the oil in the riding mower, the push mower, and the ATV, and changing the blade on the push mower, I headed out to tackle the mowing. With my thermal undershirt, my sweatsift, and jacket (as the weather is definitely on crack and it was very cold outside), I started the long procedure of mowing my yard. This task takes about 3 hours, as my yard is very large. But it is a task I do enjoy. I could hire it out to be done, but than I wouldn't have that time to consider what I still need to do or daydream of what I want to do in the future, or reflect on the past. If I paid someone to do this, that would be a shame. Because I wouldn't get to enjoy one of the simple pleasures in life.
In this world, we are all about rush, rush, rush, and fast, fast, fast. We have the fastest computers (where we sit and play games), the fastest cars, and the best cell phones. We have DVRs to record the programs we would watch, if we had the time, and plan to watch them later, but seldom do. We eat fast food, and hurry around so much that we can't enjoy what we have. And we work more hours to pay for the things we think we need to allow us to enjoy, which we can't seem to do because we are working to pay for all the things we think we need.
I live a simple life. No designer jeans or shoes in my closet. No fancy car in the garage, and my purse was purchased in 1997 and is the only one I own. I work enough to pay my bills, buy my tech toys, and spoil my grandkids. For me, this all isn't new, it started many years ago.
Growing up, supper was eaten as a family, all together. No cell phones or radios, no MP3 players or IPods, and definitely no television. We all gathered around the table and...wait for it....talked. About the day, and how school was, and what was planned for the next day. And if you didn't like what was on the table, you did without. No fast food or carry out. There was meat and potatoes and veggies, and dessert like pudding or ice cream. When we were told it was time to go play, that didn't mean sitting in front of a computer, or watching television, we were not in our rooms with the radio blaring and chatting on the phone. We went outside. To ride our bikes, or play catch, or climb a tree. Saturday I managed to get my chores done as fast as possible and than headed out to the pond, with a book in hand, a fishing pole, and sometimes even the worms, to spend the day reading, and dreaming, and maybe even fishing a little bit. Hanging around the house meant housework, and that I tried to avoid. You hoped it didn't rain on Saturday, because that would mean staying inside, and avoiding the housework was harder. Than Grandma would mop the floor, and that would require sitting in the same chair forever, at least 20 minutes, and one didn't dare put a mark on Grandma's wet floor.
Saturday's during summer meant a visit to town, and the local library. With eyes wide open, you would enter the world where everything was possible. Walking up and down the aisles, you selected the maximum number of books allowed, and carried them home, ready to start that new adventure, which you finished on Sunday night and than had to wait for another whole week (until they realized how much you loved reading and let you take out three times as many books, which of course you finished before the end of the week.) The adventures you could take inside those books, well it was incredible. There wasn't a lot of money or material things, but there was love, and food, and belonging, and knowing that someone would always care.
Fast forward to today. I no longer go to the pond to escape housework, that is my job now. But I do go there to feed my fish, and enjoy watching them feed. I listen to the turkeys roosting in the trees. I stand at my dining room door and watch the baby deer playing while Mommy is watching close near-by. I go out late at night and sit on my deck, and listen to the sounds of night...the coyotes howling, the frogs croaking, and watch the bats flying around. And don't feel afraid. I watch the early morning sun breaking over the treeline, and enjoy the brilliant colors in the sky.
And as I continue to mow my yard, I take in the smell of fresh cut grass, look at the flowers growing in the flowerbeds and showing their onset of color. I see the trees budding and starting to put on leaves, as everything becomes green and new again. I pass the fruit vines and notice them starting to bud and wonder if there will be enough fruit to enjoy this year. I know that in a few months even mowing will get to be a chore, but for now it is a pleasure. And I thank God that I am able to enjoy this simple life.
In this world, we are all about rush, rush, rush, and fast, fast, fast. We have the fastest computers (where we sit and play games), the fastest cars, and the best cell phones. We have DVRs to record the programs we would watch, if we had the time, and plan to watch them later, but seldom do. We eat fast food, and hurry around so much that we can't enjoy what we have. And we work more hours to pay for the things we think we need to allow us to enjoy, which we can't seem to do because we are working to pay for all the things we think we need.
I live a simple life. No designer jeans or shoes in my closet. No fancy car in the garage, and my purse was purchased in 1997 and is the only one I own. I work enough to pay my bills, buy my tech toys, and spoil my grandkids. For me, this all isn't new, it started many years ago.
Growing up, supper was eaten as a family, all together. No cell phones or radios, no MP3 players or IPods, and definitely no television. We all gathered around the table and...wait for it....talked. About the day, and how school was, and what was planned for the next day. And if you didn't like what was on the table, you did without. No fast food or carry out. There was meat and potatoes and veggies, and dessert like pudding or ice cream. When we were told it was time to go play, that didn't mean sitting in front of a computer, or watching television, we were not in our rooms with the radio blaring and chatting on the phone. We went outside. To ride our bikes, or play catch, or climb a tree. Saturday I managed to get my chores done as fast as possible and than headed out to the pond, with a book in hand, a fishing pole, and sometimes even the worms, to spend the day reading, and dreaming, and maybe even fishing a little bit. Hanging around the house meant housework, and that I tried to avoid. You hoped it didn't rain on Saturday, because that would mean staying inside, and avoiding the housework was harder. Than Grandma would mop the floor, and that would require sitting in the same chair forever, at least 20 minutes, and one didn't dare put a mark on Grandma's wet floor.
Saturday's during summer meant a visit to town, and the local library. With eyes wide open, you would enter the world where everything was possible. Walking up and down the aisles, you selected the maximum number of books allowed, and carried them home, ready to start that new adventure, which you finished on Sunday night and than had to wait for another whole week (until they realized how much you loved reading and let you take out three times as many books, which of course you finished before the end of the week.) The adventures you could take inside those books, well it was incredible. There wasn't a lot of money or material things, but there was love, and food, and belonging, and knowing that someone would always care.
Fast forward to today. I no longer go to the pond to escape housework, that is my job now. But I do go there to feed my fish, and enjoy watching them feed. I listen to the turkeys roosting in the trees. I stand at my dining room door and watch the baby deer playing while Mommy is watching close near-by. I go out late at night and sit on my deck, and listen to the sounds of night...the coyotes howling, the frogs croaking, and watch the bats flying around. And don't feel afraid. I watch the early morning sun breaking over the treeline, and enjoy the brilliant colors in the sky.
And as I continue to mow my yard, I take in the smell of fresh cut grass, look at the flowers growing in the flowerbeds and showing their onset of color. I see the trees budding and starting to put on leaves, as everything becomes green and new again. I pass the fruit vines and notice them starting to bud and wonder if there will be enough fruit to enjoy this year. I know that in a few months even mowing will get to be a chore, but for now it is a pleasure. And I thank God that I am able to enjoy this simple life.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Getting Started
In this day and age of high-tech and advancing ideas, I am a person riding both sides of the fence. I love gadgets....computers, mp3 players, creating DVDs, and working on websites. I enjoy doing videos for family and friends that mean more than the pictures contained inside each one. But I also enjoy the old-school ideas....writing letters, and creating crafts that are special and unique to the person it is being created for in celebration of a special occasion. So many people go for the store bought items, which can sometimes involve about 30 seconds to decide. That is just not my style.
Several of my friends have started to do blogs, and I so enjoy reading them, that I decided to get off the fence and advance a bit more towards the tech side, and so have started this blog. How long it will continue, that remains to be seen. But here it goes. (And girls, it is all your fault for encouraging this writing thing..lol)
Your past is responsible for your present, and what you do today will create your future. The old folks remember a time when things were so different, and the young folks can't imagine a future without all the latest that the world has to offer. Is either one right or wrong? Depends on which side you are sitting. It all has to do with what you do with it that counts.
I have been privileged to raise 2 amazing kids, both of which I am enormously proud. They are both wonderful people who are productive and caring, and have amazing futures. And they have married some incredible people (even though we have had our disagreements and arguments) of which I am also very proud. Both have started families and care for them and are role models for their kids, which will help keep them on the right path.
What does this have to do with the above paragraph? Well, everything. When you are young, you wish for everything....you want the house and the car and the clothes, the job that pays super well, and all the perks that go along with it. And often, you are not able to obtain these, and frequently see yourself a failure. When you are older, you often sit and remember what you didn't achieve in your time, and again frequently see yourself a failure. And I say again, it is what you do with your life that counts.
Last week, my youngest grandson was not able to go to daycare, and stayed with me for the day. Let me tell you, there is nothing like seeing life through a child's eyes. Putting on the boots to go feed the horse, pulling the "weeds" in the flower beds, bending down to smell the flowers. But the most incredible....hearing him say...what you doing Nam-ma, over and over again. Seeing that face break into a grin. Hearing him rattle over and over, than stop and turn his head and smile, and say Hi Nam-ma. Love from a child is so unconditional, so special, something to be treasured. And if you have that kind of love, can you ever be a failure?
People come and go out of your life. Friends you have had for years walk away, making you wonder. You change jobs, addresses, cars. Sometimes even spouses. Life will never be easy, or fair. And you may never achieve all or even part of your goals. But, if when you breathe your last, you can look back and know that you were loved by a child, that you made a difference in even one person's life, that you raised children that you are proud of, I say that you have achieved the greatest goal ever, and that you were a winner in life.
Several of my friends have started to do blogs, and I so enjoy reading them, that I decided to get off the fence and advance a bit more towards the tech side, and so have started this blog. How long it will continue, that remains to be seen. But here it goes. (And girls, it is all your fault for encouraging this writing thing..lol)
Your past is responsible for your present, and what you do today will create your future. The old folks remember a time when things were so different, and the young folks can't imagine a future without all the latest that the world has to offer. Is either one right or wrong? Depends on which side you are sitting. It all has to do with what you do with it that counts.
I have been privileged to raise 2 amazing kids, both of which I am enormously proud. They are both wonderful people who are productive and caring, and have amazing futures. And they have married some incredible people (even though we have had our disagreements and arguments) of which I am also very proud. Both have started families and care for them and are role models for their kids, which will help keep them on the right path.
What does this have to do with the above paragraph? Well, everything. When you are young, you wish for everything....you want the house and the car and the clothes, the job that pays super well, and all the perks that go along with it. And often, you are not able to obtain these, and frequently see yourself a failure. When you are older, you often sit and remember what you didn't achieve in your time, and again frequently see yourself a failure. And I say again, it is what you do with your life that counts.
Last week, my youngest grandson was not able to go to daycare, and stayed with me for the day. Let me tell you, there is nothing like seeing life through a child's eyes. Putting on the boots to go feed the horse, pulling the "weeds" in the flower beds, bending down to smell the flowers. But the most incredible....hearing him say...what you doing Nam-ma, over and over again. Seeing that face break into a grin. Hearing him rattle over and over, than stop and turn his head and smile, and say Hi Nam-ma. Love from a child is so unconditional, so special, something to be treasured. And if you have that kind of love, can you ever be a failure?
People come and go out of your life. Friends you have had for years walk away, making you wonder. You change jobs, addresses, cars. Sometimes even spouses. Life will never be easy, or fair. And you may never achieve all or even part of your goals. But, if when you breathe your last, you can look back and know that you were loved by a child, that you made a difference in even one person's life, that you raised children that you are proud of, I say that you have achieved the greatest goal ever, and that you were a winner in life.
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